


Perspective

by westwingfanfictioncentral_archivist



Category: The West Wing
Genre: Alternate Universe, F/M, Original Character - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2000-07-14
Updated: 2000-07-14
Packaged: 2019-05-15 14:55:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,407
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14792648
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/westwingfanfictioncentral_archivist/pseuds/westwingfanfictioncentral_archivist
Summary: Toby's Point of View of the vital moments in his relationship with KD.





	1. Perspective

**Author's Note:**

> A copy of this work was once archived at National Library, a part of the [ West Wing Fanfiction Central](https://fanlore.org/wiki/West_Wing_Fanfiction_Central), a West Wing fanfiction archive. More information about the Open Doors approved archive move can be found in the [announcement post](http://archiveofourown.org/admin_posts/8325).

RATING: PG-13 (strong romantic themes)  
DISCLAIMER: I do not own "The West Wing" nor any of its characters. KD Brody  
belongs to me, and if you don't know who she is, you might get a little  
confused by this series.  
SUMMARY: Toby's Point of View of the vital moments in his relationship with  
KD.  
NOTES: In part one, spoiler for KD #2 "One More Night" ::grins:: This is a  
Mary Sue type story. Original character/Toby.

"What's this?" I ask Josh as he hands me a memo.  
"New development." Josh replies with an amused smile. I grunt as I peruse  
the words.  
"We're gonna get overloaded with these damn things." I say. Josh shrugs.  
Then it hits me. "Brody's working here??" I ask angrily. Josh nearly jumps.  
"Yeah, she got that empty office two doors down from me." He replies. I  
groan and storm off in that direction. Josh, confused, is hot on my heels.  
"Toby, what's wrong? Calm down, man!" He calls.  
"Leave me alone." I retort before storming into KD Brody's new office and  
slam the door. "You're working here now?" I snap. She doesn't look up from  
the report she's marking up.  
"Hello, Toby. How are you? Me? Oh, I'm just fine." She says as she makes  
another mark with her highlighter. Still reeling from the shock of the news,  
I start pacing in front of her desk.  
"It's Mr. Ziegler to you." I retort dryly. She chuckles.  
"That's what you told me from the beginning, but have I listened?" She  
replies, still not looking up. She makes a good point. She's called me Toby  
or Mr. Ziegler variably on and off. I never know what to expect.  
"You can't work here. Okay? You can't." I insist. She looks up at me with  
a curious glance. A strand of her gentle brown hair falls into her eyes. Wow.  
That's really unnverving. She looks almost as beautiful as she did last  
night, but even now, she's... her eyes . . I just . . Stop it, Ziegler! I  
look away and continue pacing. I came here for a reason, and watching her  
isn't it.  
"Why not? Because you don't like me?" KD retorts in amazement. I pause  
and look at her, seeing her hair in her eyes again, and then nod resolutely.  
"Absolutely. I don't like you. That works for me." I exclaim. She laughs  
and throws the report on to her desk, getting to her feet. I really don't  
want her to stand up. She stands up. God, she has a fascinating walk. She  
walks around the desk and stops in front of me. God, am I staring?  
"That hardly makes sense. Besides, you only don't like me because I'm too  
much like you, and you despise that." She adds, a playful grin across her  
face. I try my best to glare at her while brushing my jacket back so I can  
put my hands to my waist by my pockets like I so often do. Why is it I have  
this strange habit? I don't know. I don't care right now.  
"Well, if that's true, than we only need one of our kind in this office.  
I got here first, so get out." I retort. She chuckles. Nice laugh.  
"What's next? This House isn't big enough for the two of us?" She says  
playfully.  
"Didn't I just say that?" I exclaim.  
"I've got a job here. I signed a contract." She says seriously.  
"I'll burn the damn thing." I insist with a shrug. Her eyes are  
sparkling. Why do the damn eyes have to sparkle?  
"You have no legitimate reason to not want me working here." She insists,  
her lips trembling with tension. Oh, God, what am I doing here?  
"You're immature, arrogant, a slacker and I have no doubts you have a  
criminal record." I count off, regaining myself.  
"You just can't find out for sure." She teases.  
"Your file's been secured by the Bureau. They won't let me see it." I  
reply in disappointment.  
"I know. They called me the moment you made the request." She says with a  
grin.  
"Why is your file classified?" I snap.  
"Because they just love me so much." She replies playfully.  
"Very funny. You can't work here. It's a security risk." I try another  
route.  
"Oh, yeah right. If it were such an issue, Jed and Leo wouldn't have  
asked me in the first place." She returns.  
"They're personally biased." I snap angrily, getting tired of this  
conversation.  
"Well, if that isn't the pot calling the kettle black." She retorts  
quickly, her own patience being tried. At least I'm having some affect on  
her. Lord knows, she's having one on me and it's damn upsetting. With a sigh,  
I step closer to her. I can feel my nostrils tensing in anger.  
"There is a very specific balance in this office, a balance that has been  
nearly 18 months in the making. You can't just come out of nowhere and expect  
to be a part of the team." I explain softly, but harshly.  
"You're saying that I'm upsetting this balance? Already?" She asks softly  
back.  
"Yes, that's what I'm saying." I affirm, amazed at her sudden quietness.  
Could she possibly be relenting?  
"Sounds more like I'm just upsetting you." She retorts, half fiercely and  
half playfully, a little smirk on her face trying to hide how upset she may  
really be. I stare at her, six inches from her face, six inches from her  
eyes. She shifts a little in her stance, perhaps wary under my gaze. God,  
she's beautiful. I hate it when difficult women are beautiful. But she's got  
something else too. I feel my legs moving forward. I'm closing in on her,  
keeping my eyes locked with hers. She backs away, moving at the same pace I'm  
moving, and keeping her gaze locked with mine. What am I doing? She opens her  
mouth to talk but I raise a finger, a sharp gesture that silences her. We  
move this way another inch, me now four inches from her face. God, I want  
this. Does she? She clears her throat and opens her mouth again, but again, I  
raise a finger and she says nothing. She's leaning against the desk now, but  
I haven't stopped moving.  
"Toby..." She starts nervously. "I know you're upset but please don't  
kill me. You would be the prime suspect, you know?" She says weakly, sounding  
like she's half joking and half truly afraid for her life. I put my hands on  
either side of her, taking the edge of her desk in my hands. Still moving, I  
tilt my head to the side, close my eyes and take hold of her lips in mine. It  
was a gentle kiss, a tender one, and it was one of the most sincere I could  
ever remember experiencing. To my surprising, I felt pressure from her side.  
She was kissing me back. A first kiss, a splendid one. God, where does this  
stuff come from? So I kissed her again, a little stronger, a little more of  
her flesh in my lips. My right hand begins to creep across the desk until it  
meets with the fabric that covers her hip, then it moves up into the crook of  
her back, like it has a mind of its own. Next thing I know my left hand has  
jumped straight up to the crease between her shoulder blades and I'm holding  
her tight in a warm embrace, her mouth evenly locked into mine. I hold her  
closer, closer, kissing her more passionately as each second passes. She has  
her arms around me and all I feel is warmth. She moans slightly, softly, as I  
slip my tongue in with hers.  
"Hey, KD, I was wondering if-" Josh's voice interrupts us. I pull away  
from her quickly, embarrassed and enraged that he didn't knock. I should have  
known. Out of the corner of my eye, I can see he's stopped short in the  
doorway, his jaw dropped damn near to the floor. KD looks at the ground, her  
face tense with thought as her shy face is slowly fading from the red it had  
so brightly turned. "Perhaps I should have knocked." Josh murmurs softly.  
"Yeah, maybe." KD whispers, staring at her feet. Josh nods and holds up a  
packet of papers. He steps forward and puts them on her desk before trying to  
escape the room as stealthily as he can. Silence in the room. Talk about an  
awkward moment. I don't know what I'm feeling right now. My right hand is  
still in the crook of her back. I look at her. She's staring at her feet,  
seeming confused. Amazing that I found her weakness, but that's not the first  
thing on my mind. I reach up with my left hand and touch her chin gently,  
bringing her gaze up to meet mine. She stares into my eyes, trying to find  
some message, something in them to tell her that I don't regret what we just  
did. A weak smile spreads across her face, and one does on mine, the  
realization that something has happened and I like it. It's so rare that  
something happens and I like it. I want it again. So I lean forward and taste  
her mouth with my own again. What took nearly a minute to intensify before  
was already there as I clutch her close to my body, pressing her against the  
desk and exploring her mouth. I feel her arms wrap around my neck and then  
tighten as we forget about anything else that might be going on in this  
world. So naturally something else would interrupt us, a soft knock at the  
door doing the trick this time.  
"Go away." I snap, taking a short breather before pressing my lips to her  
again. KD smiles in the kiss, but returns it. I tighten my grip around her  
and press her back a little more, almost leaning her down on the desk. She  
giggles and then kisses me very passionately, sweetly.  
"Toby, is that you?" CJ's voice calls from behind the door. Of all the  
places for a first encounter, I realize, an office in the West Wing of the  
White House is not the most discreet, nor the most private. With a sigh, I  
bury my head into KD's neck and nuzzle the flesh there gently. She chuckles  
and traces a finger up the back of my neck. It's a gentle touch and it  
tickles a little, but God, it feels good. What have we gotten into here, I  
wonder... .  
"Do I still upset you?" KD whispers. I lift my head and stare her in the  
eye. The sparkle is still there, and it's shining at me playfully. I  
pretended to think about it, just staring into her eyes and realizing that  
it's been too long since I've felt like this. With a smirk, I nod.  
"Absolutely." I murmur almost seductively as I stroke her back, my thumb  
gently moving under the soft fabric of her shirt to stroke the gentle flesh  
there.  
"KD, are you in there?" CJ's voice calls again, this time a little more  
impatiently. How long have we kept her standing there?  
"Yeah, I'm coming, CJ." KD calls back. "Reluctantly." She murmurs as she  
slowly lingers in my arms for another secondly then hesitantly moves out of  
them for the doorway. I watch her hips sway slightly as she reachse the door  
and opens it to reveal CJ standing there with a curious, playful grin and  
several people out in the bullpen looking our way with curious looks on their  
face. Definitely not the most discreet place I could have done this.  
"What were you two doing?" CJ exclaims in almost excitement. KD shoots  
her a glare, a look that says 'grow up' but we all know that CJ is hinting at  
something that's correct.  
"Nothing." I exclaim suddenly, totally embarrassed and in flight mode. "I  
have to go. I've got a... uh, a statement to write for when the president  
goes to the floor tomorrow. I'll see you later, CJ. KD." I add, aware of the  
fact that I'm turning a slight shade of pink as I move out of the room as  
quickly as I can. I close the door behind me and lean against it, trying to  
breathe and trying to understand everything has just happened. Did I just do  
something really wrong? or really right? I don't even know. If I change my  
mind now, I run the risk of hurting her. But it's not too late, right? I can  
still... back out, right? Goddamn it.  
I sigh and look down the hall to see Josh leaning out of his office with  
an idiotic grin on his face. How old is he anyway? 12??? I roll my eyes and  
take off in the opposite direction, trying to figure out what the hell I'm  
gonna do now.

  
To Be Continued... . 

  

  


	2. Perspective 2

RATING: PG-13 (strong romantic themes)  
DISCLAIMER: I do not own "The West Wing" nor any of its characters. KD Brody  
belongs to me, and if you don't know who she is, you might get a little  
confused by this series.  
SUMMARY: Toby's Point of View of the vital moments in his relationship with KD.  
NOTES: In part two, spoiler for KD #2 "One More Night" ::grins:: This is a  
Mary Sue type story. Original character/Toby.

It's been a long day. I'm tired. I'm sitting here, looking around the  
table at all my  
friends who are deep in thought. I don't pretend to know what the hell  
they're thinking about, nor do I pretend to care. Well, that's a lie,  
actually. I do care, but as far they know, I couldn't care less. The person I  
care the most about is directly across the table from me, and the truth is  
that I haven't spoken to her in nearly three days. She's spent the night  
trying not to look at me. Have I messed up already? I think I have. The truth  
is that I don't know how to act around her. It's been so long since I've  
cared about anyone and I don't know if I can stand to again. Can I make her  
understand that? Can I make her see that what happened in her office was just  
an impulse and that we should forget about it and move on? Do I even believe  
that, or am I just running away? I don't *care* about this woman. I couldn't  
possibly. I've known her for a cummulative amount of eight days... Is that  
a good enough reason to get to know her more?  
"Deal me out." I say softly as the hand ends. I stand up and walk out of  
the room, away from the poker table and into a smaller room, one with a  
couch, a table and a few windows. Perfect for thinking space, right? I need  
to think. I move to the window and stare out into the dark night. What do I  
want? What do I need? I know what people *think* I need. I feel so different  
now. One kiss. Well, more than one anyway, but one encounter, and I feel like  
this. Behind me, I hear the door creak and the soft sound of feet moving in.  
"Hey, are you okay?" KD's soft gentle voice asks as the door shuts  
softly. I look into the window and see her reflection, see her leaning  
against the door and watching me carefully, biting her lip as if she had so  
much to say but not enough nerve to say it. KD Brody, lacking in nerve? Could  
that even be possible? I don't know what to say to her though, so I say  
nothing. How can I tell her that the truth is that I just don't *know* what I  
want? How can I explain to her that it's been so long since I felt anything  
like this, so I don't even know how it is that I *do* feel? Heh. Who'd of  
thought Toby Ziegler would get this confused over a woman... Anyone. Women  
are strange that way. I can see rain falling past the window, hitting the  
cement ground with the loudest patters I've ever heard. There's a soft  
rustling in the room. I turn about ten degrees to my left and see her  
stopping at the small table in the center of the room. I turn back as she  
leans against it.  
"You're missing all the excitement in there. Jed's counting cards again.  
Boy, do regret the day I taught him that." She says, a weak smile being  
reflected in the window for me to see. I can't help but smile too, but I know  
she doesn't see it. I watch her, my eyes absorbing every bit of the  
reflection it can peruse. She sighs softly and glances back at the poker room  
from where we came, then looks at me again, a soft look in her gentle eyes,  
eyes that are sparkling once again. I try to ignore her face now. I have to  
think about something else; I have to try and think straight, or at least,  
straighter. I squint and try to separate one raindrop from another, and then  
I relax. What's the point of this?  
"I can tell you're thinking about something. I don't pretend to know what  
it is. You've been kind of dark ever since..." She pauses. I know what  
she's talking about. Her voice is very soft, and I can tell she's trying not  
to get emotional. "I don't know if you want to talk about it, or even if you  
will talk about it with me..." She starts again then pauses again. I would  
talk about it with her if I knew what the hell to say. All I know is that a  
few days ago, I felt her in my arms and it was one of the most wonderful  
feelings I've had in a long time. What do I do with that feeling now? "I know  
that something happened, but we're not really... officially anything. If  
you regret what happened, you should tell me because I... Well, because I  
don't know." She added resolutely, but I could tell from her tone of voice  
that there was something else she was going to say. What was she going to say  
that she decided better of? I take a deep breath and turn to face her. My  
eyes catch hers, and they lock there. She returns the gaze, her eyes  
sparkling with curiosity. I want her. I'm certain, for once in so long. I  
want that feeling again. Slowly, I start moving towards her, my face begging  
to smile but for some reason I hold it back a bit. Perhaps it comes across as  
some little invisible smirk.  
"I just thought maybe you'd like to talk about whatever it is." She says  
slowly, keeping eye contact as I grow closer to her. I've felt determined in  
my life before, but it feels like I haven't before now. "You don't have to,  
but it might make you feel better... to get whatever it is off your  
chest." She suggests softly, a soft smile appearing on her face as she keeps  
eye contact with me and I grow still closer. I am two feet from her and still  
moving. She smiles a little wider as I feel a mischievous spirit wash over  
me. She must sense it.  
"Hmm." I say thoughtfully, softly. "Might." I add tenderly. I'm torn. My  
body is moving me slowly towards her, she's within my reach, yet my soul is  
burning to run that last distance and press her down against the table. But  
we can't go too fast. Fast can be sloppy, lead to mistakes, and I don't want  
any mistakes this time around. She shifts in her stance against the table,  
but keeps her eyes locked with mine.  
"So do you want to talk about it?" She asks absentmindedly, as if trying  
to cling to the topic but losing the battle. "I mean, I'd like to think we've  
grown somewhat closer recently..." She trails off as I reach her. I nod  
slowly as I slip my hands around her waist and slowly start pulling towards  
me. She smiles yet wider and moves with the pull. I pull her closer and  
closer until her body is pressed against mine and it's all I can do not to  
press her back against that table. I slip one hand up into the tendrils of  
her hair and pull her lips against mine. Such a soft, tender touch. The flesh  
almost trembles under my touch, but she is more than definitely kissing me  
back. My hand moves back to the crease of her shoulders as I clutch her  
close, kissing her feverishly and tasting her tongue with my own. Somewhere  
in the background, I hear what sounds like Josh's voice starting to ask us if  
we're coming back, but the voice stops itself and disappears.  
So I pull her towards the couch and lay her down against it. Go slow, I  
tell myself, but still my hands feel safe as they clutch her body. I'm happy  
now, kissing her fiercely, tasting her, feeling the warmth of her lips  
against mine. Maybe I don't know what I want in the long run, but right now  
I'm happy with what I've got. The problem is that this has to end. I'm not  
about to do anything more with her with the entire White House Senior Staff  
on the other side of the doors, probably listening as Josh tells them what  
he's seen.  
But who cares about that now? I'll think later. Right now, I just want to  
enjoy the feel of her flesh pressing against mine, and I revel in the fact  
that she's enjoying the feel of me here with her.

 


	3. Perspective 3

RATING: PG-13 (strong romantic themes)  
DISCLAIMER: I do not own "The West Wing" nor any of its characters. KD Brody  
belongs to me, and if you don't know who she is, you might get a little  
confused by this series.  
SUMMARY: Toby's Point of View of the vital moments in his relationship with KD.  
NOTES: In part two, spoiler for KD #4 "A Life Less Complicated" ::grins::  
This is a Mary Sue type story. Original character/Toby.

All right, Ziegler. Think about this. Driving around in circles obviously  
doesn't seem to be helping, so you have to stop and examine every last fact.  
Fact one: the woman I was married to for nearly six years, but divorced two  
years ago, walked into my office, asked me to take her to dinner, and then  
admitted to wanting to have a second chance at our relationship. Fact two:  
eight months ago I met a woman who made my blood boil and went on to fall in  
love with her, and she's just come home from a two day business trip. I  
didn't meet her and I haven't called her even though I promised too. I think  
I've confused myself again, and it really, really stinks. I just wish I knew  
what to do with myself. I look around and realize that where I've stopped my  
car is my normal parking spot across from KD's home. I look across the street  
and see the light on in her living room. She's still up, even at ten o'clock  
after a day of sitting near Jed Bartlet on an airplane. Is she waiting for  
me? I wish I knew what to say, what to think. I wish I knew how I was  
supposed to feel. How the hell am I supposed to feel? I love KD so much,  
after all this time, and yet, Andy and I were married, we had something.  
Doesn't that count?  
But we divorced. That means something too. And she left. She went out  
with that damn Oriole. And KD loves me, I know she does. She treats my Yankee  
baseball bat with more respect than I do. More respect than me sometimes.  
With a determined sigh, I climb out of the car and walk across the street. I  
take a deep breath, climb the stairs and walk to the code pad I know so well.  
I walk into the building and go to her door. I stare at it for a while,  
thinking about what I'm going to say when I see her. What's my excuse for not  
being there? Do I tell her about Andy? Do I just take her in my arms, hold  
against the wall and take her lips in my own like there's no tomorrow? Is  
there a tomorrow? Only if I take this chance, now. I step forward a little  
more and ring the damn doorbell. A moment passes then I hear the clack of the  
lock and the twist of the knob. Suddenly the door is open, and I see her,  
standing in jeans that stick close to her frame and a t-shirt that is  
attached to her tight enough to make me wilt. Her light brown hair is tied  
back in a ponytail, but a few strands have fallen out and now linger across  
the front of her face. She starts to smile and steps back.  
"Toby. This is a switch." She said playfully. Oh, how long was it ago  
that she appeared at my doorway, her eyes tearstained, pleading that I give  
her sanctuary? Was that a beautiful night? I remember wanting to kiss her  
that night, but I didn't. I remembering nuzzling the flesh of her neck,  
enjoying the feel of her in my arms but not quite appreciating it.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~*~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
I am tired. It has been a long day. I take the time to prepare myself a  
hot toddy and now I lean back into the comfy black leather couch that I'd  
allowed myself to buy not too many months ago. $125,000 may as well count for  
something. I still have a ton of work to do, but I only plan on working until  
two tonight, so I thought I'd spare myself a break before getting back to  
cracking. I tip the glass back, allowing the warm liquid to caress my tongue.  
Nothing could ever feel this good.  
"This can't be legal." I murmur out loud, to no one in particular. The  
liquid flows down my throat and spreading through my body, warming and  
relaxing all the muscles I can feel. The lights are down low and the phone  
has stopped ringing, finally. It's 30 minutes to midnight and sleep isn't on  
my mind. Work is. But I'll enjoy this rest while it lasts. Doing so, I  
snuggle into the couch even further and think about the day. It's been a long  
one, and a hard one, and I need this. I need to relax. I need to forget about  
all the trouble I've been caused today and just relax. I will solve the  
problems I've been handed, and we will survive. If I never see that Brody  
woman again, I will survive. I hear a soft, yet very urgent knock at my door.  
With a growl, I stand up, place the glass on a coaster on my table then  
walked to the door and whip it open. There stands the Brody woman.  
"What are you doing here?" I snap, shocked that she would dare stand here  
before me. I threatened to kill her today, and I will follow through on that  
now that her precious president isn't here to protect her. KD winces and  
sighs before looking nervously at her feet. I suddenly feel the slightest bit  
... bad.  
"To be honest, I don't know." She replies weakly. There goes that idea.  
"In that case, good night." I retort before starting to close the door in  
her face. I'm angry, but there will be no killing tonight.  
"Mr. Ziegler." She exclaimd suddenly, a voice cracking in such  
desperation that I can't help but stop my action and hold the door. She sighs  
and frowns. I watch her intently, staring at her features.  
"Yes?" I ask, getting impatient. She was evidently searching for the  
right words, but I couldn't take it, standing here and watching her. I was  
starting to realize that she was... beautiful... and that was unnerving.  
"I know that... I know that you don't like me. You probably don't  
trust me either... but if it means anything to you, I have... just had  
an upsetting evening and I don't want to be alone... And strangely enough  
... you're the only person I really trust; maybe because you don't like me  
... You know I don't have a place to live, and I can't go back to the with  
house... not now... so I was wondering, if just for tonight, I could  
just sit on your couch or the floor of your kitchen and just... just feel  
safer than I have in months... I understand if you say no but -" Suddenly,  
I interrupted her with words softer than I intended.  
"If I said no, I'd be the bad guy." I insist softly.  
"Of course not. No one would even know I came here." KD replies softly,  
half-heartedly, as if she knows I'm going to close this door in her face. I  
stare at her another moment.  
"I would." I retort. It's true. I wouldn't be able to live with the fact  
that I'd sent her away into the night when she was obviously feeling so...  
desparate? Was that the word for it? I sigh, step back and open the door a  
little wider. "Come on in." I say to both our surprises. She smiles weakly  
and steps in. I close the door behind her and turn to see her slowly trudge  
into the living room.  
"Thank you." Was all she would venture to say. I nod, moving behind her,  
then away.  
"I'm going to work some more and then I'm going to sleep. Make yourself  
comfortable." I exclaim nervously as I trot down the hallway to my room,  
which is also my office. I move into the room, sit at my desk and hold my  
fingers over the keys of the black iBook. I try to think of some words to add  
to my speech, but I can't. I find myself glancing back to the hallway that  
leads to the room where KD now sits. What am I doing? Why did I let her in?  
For crying out loud, I hate this woman, don't I? Goddamn it. With a sigh, I  
stand up and lean out into the hallway, peering down its length towards the  
light coming from the room at the end. I hear some papers rustling, then I  
hear a sigh, a sigh filled with pain, and a sigh that is most definitely  
hers. Slowly, quietly, I move down the hallway to the doorframe of the living  
room and peer in. She's sitting on the couch I'd only just vacated, leaning  
over a thin folder that I recognize, her fingers interlaced through her hair  
and her shoulders drooped in resignation.  
I watch her for a moment, curious. Her hair is back, but it's gentle, and  
it rests against her body. Where there once was life, there's depression.  
Where there was once an amount of energy, so much it annoyed the hell out of  
me, now sat an old woman, lost in a cloud of despair. And I admit, I missed  
what was there before. Suddenly, she throws the folder aside with a loud sob,  
a sob full of pain, frustration, desperation and so many other emotions I  
know too well. She sank her head into her lap and wept, crossing her arms  
over her neck.  
What is coming over me? Maybe it's pity, maybe it's something else, but  
for some reason, I move into the room and straight across it to where my  
small stereo system rests. With her head still down, she does not see me, and  
instead, stares at the floor, wallowing in the darkness something had created  
for her. I placed a CD into the player, Phil Collins, I think, I didn't  
really look, and suddenly soft, upbeat music begins to stream out of the  
various speakers around the room. I hear the words and I smirk a little. He  
turned to see KD looking at him with tearstained eyes, surprise spread across  
her gentle face. Playfully, which is strange because I'm rarely playful, but  
then again, I do not know what's going on inside this head of mine, I dance  
towards her. I move my feet and hold out my hand. She laughs and takes it,  
allowing me to pull her up into the dance.  
We dance. I hold her close. I want to kiss her, but I won't. I won't  
dare. It's just the heat of this crazy whim of mine. But a slow dance comes  
on, and we're so close, I nuzzle the soft flesh of her neck gently with my  
nose, smelling her and inhaling her presence, feeling her energy. Don't I  
hate this woman? Aren't I being a hypocrite by holding her in my arms?  
And we danced for an hour. Me. Dancing. For an hour. Having fun. Me. Toby  
Ziegler. Me... God, we danced to jazz, waltz, even some upbeat soft rock  
type stuff. God, I hope the guys never know about this. Or do I? I'm  
confusing myself and it stinks. But she feels good. For one night, I manage  
to get alone with her, and I can't help but realize that the air is thick  
with an attraction I want to deny. It's only physical, right? It's nearly  
1:45am, and she's tired. I lay her down on the couch, where she insists on  
sleeping, and I cover her with a blanket. I stand in the doorway a moment and  
watch her drift to sleep. Then I sigh, shake my head, wonder what the hell  
happened and I go to my room and to bed.  
It is the next morning. KD is gone.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~*~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
"Come on in." KD's voice interrupts my thoughts. I've said nothing to her  
and now she looks uncomfortable. I move into the apartment, looking about me,  
but not at her. I hear her close the door and she moves past me towards the  
kitchen. "Want something to drink?" She asks. "Coffee? Water? White wine?"  
She listed as she pauses in the kitchen doorway. I stare at her frame as she  
stands there, the light in the kitchen illuminating the border of her body  
and reminding me briefly what caused that physical attraction months ago.  
"Blood?" Her voice asks sharply, bringing my attention back to reality.  
"Answer me please, Toby." She adds, a weak, almost desperate, smile spreading  
across her face. I move forward.  
"White wine sounds good." I say finally, speaking softly. "What's the  
vintage?" I ask in an almost-whisper. She hesitates, looking at me, then  
walks into the kitchen to the fridge.  
"85. Chandler Chardonnay. It's all I've got that's cold." She announces  
nervously. I nod my approval as I enter the kitchen, lean against the counter  
and watch her silently. I've said very little only because I still don't know  
what the hell I'm going to say to her. I don't know what I want to say to  
her. She gets out two glasses and finds a bottle opener. Her fingers, slender  
and graceful, take a hold of the opener and slowly pry open the bottle. I  
can't take it any more. I move quickly across the floor and slip my arms  
around her waist before pressing my lips to her neck. Her flesh is warm,  
inviting. I can feel her smile, I can always feel it when she smiles, and she  
starts to pour the wine.  
"I missed you." I whisper gently into her ear. It's an honest statement.  
I know what I want know. I just don't know what to say.  
"I missed you too." She replies as we both watch the golden fluid dallop  
into the glass. "I must admit, I was kind of surprised not to see you at the  
airport today." She adds as she turns in my arms to face me and hands me a  
glass. I take the glass from her and avoid looking into her eyes.  
"I, uh, had some stuff to do. Extra work and that crap." I say  
uncertainly as I bring the glass up to my nose and take a deep sniff. Wine  
has to be smelled. She watches me, a confused haze in her eyes and smiles as  
I take a sip after the smell wins my satisfaction. I look up to see her  
taking a sip as well, and I wilt to think I've caused her any pain.  
"Hmm. Sweet, dry, but lovable." She says before gently pressing her lips  
against mine. I kiss back and then smile to show her that I understand that  
she's talking about me, if even as well as the wine.  
"Excellent in any case." I add, softly and playfully. She chuckles and  
nods before taking another sip of the wine. Suddenly I realize that I've  
moved forward a little, practically pinning her against the counter, and I  
step back. Why did I step back? Because I'm nervous. I don't know what to say  
to her, and I'm nervous. She frowns, sensing that there's something wrong.  
I'm trapped now. What do I say?  
"What's wrong, Toby?" She says quietly. "There's something you're not  
telling me." She adds, looking uncertainly down at the glass she holds in her  
hands. I sigh and place my glass on the counter. What do I say? She seems  
almost hurt now, and it's my fault. I have to say something.  
"The day you left, about two hours after your plane took off, my ex-wife  
came to visit me and she asked me to escort her to a dinner. I reacted to  
this and she admitted that she wanted to give our relationship another  
chance." I exclaim softly. My confession is out, and I wait quietly. KD gulps  
softly and nods, still looking down at the glass. My throat catches up as I  
notice that her eyes are watering. She's near crying. Damn it. Did I say the  
wrong thing?  
"And what did you say?" She asks carefully in an almost-whisper.  
"I said no, and told her to get out of my office, but-" I start trying to  
explain.  
"But the idea managed to get planted in there somewhere." KD interrupts  
softly. I nod. I should have known. She knows me so well. She knows what I'm  
thinking now. What I *was* thinking, but does she not see that I left that  
behind?  
"Yes." I say finally. I don't know what else to say. She nods weakly, as  
if agreeing to something, but I don't know what. Perhaps she's just telling  
herself that she's right, but when has she ever been wrong?  
"So what are you going to do now? I mean, what do you want to do?" KD  
asks weakly. "I just want whatever makes you happy, Toby." She adds. No, I  
don't want to hear that from her. I don't want her to think for a moment that  
I'd leave her. I take her glass and put it on the counter next to mine.  
Shaking my head, I pull her into a tight grasp, clutching her close to my  
body. God, she feels good in my arms. She snuggles into me, afraid to cry.  
"Don't think for a moment that I'm going anywhere. This is my answer to  
you and to her, the fact that I'm standing right here, right now. I love you,  
Katy." I assure her in a longwinded, heartfelt speech. I don't even know  
where it's all coming from but I know it's all true. She smiles and hugs me  
tightly. Ecstatic to feel her touch again after two days, I hug her back, but  
then she leans back. I look her in the eye and we smile at each other. I find  
I've missed her smile. Our eyes lock and we share a hidden moment, exploring  
the colors of our eyes. I lean forward and pull her lips into a strong kiss,  
tangling my lips with hers and gently tracing her tongue with my own. She  
moans a little, kissing back, and holds me tighter. Feeling adventurous, I  
run my hands up her back and start pressing her back towards the counter  
again. Suddenly, she pulls away from me, slightly flushed, and smiles  
mischievously. I smirk in confusion.  
"What?" I ask, wondering if this is her way of telling me I moved too  
far. We've never moved to far, beyond a serious session of groping on the  
couch. But what do we want anyway.  
"I just got an idea." She replies and then moves out of my arms and out  
of the room. I pause, still very confused and then I follow. I find her in  
the living room, hovering over the stereo system. Music begins to stream out  
of the speakers, reminding me once again of that glorious night. Was that the  
night we fell in love, I sometimes wonder? She turns and faces me, playfully  
dancing towards me. She moves her hips and sways her arms, moving seductively  
to the soft beat. She moves closer to me, dancing this way with an alluring  
smirk on her face. I stand where I am defiantly as she grows closer. She  
reaches me and then begans to lean against my body, moving against my chest  
and legs, standing back to me while she dances slowly against my body. I  
stifle a groan and give in, spinning her into my arms and taking her across  
the dance floor a la tango style. She giggles as I grow a mock serious look,  
pulling her across the floor. I spin her again and pull her back, holding her  
tight against my body.  
We continue to dance, but I also can't take something else anymore. With  
all the thought that I've given her lately, I can't stand to hold her close  
and not feel her as much as I can. I slip a hand around her head, stringing  
my fingers through her hair and pulling her into a tender kiss. She kisses  
back as I move my hands to her back, up under her shirt to feel the tender  
skin that covers her shoulder blades. My thumb gently strokes the small  
indent that is her spine. I kiss her harder, thrusting my tongue into her  
mouth and pulling her into the touch. I feel her arms wrap around my neck as  
I tighten my grip around her waist and clutch her to my body. I admit, I'm  
starting to feel warm. I let go of her lips to gently taste her lower lip  
between my teeth, gently so not to hurt her. She moans at the massage and  
leans into me, kissing me gently as I kiss her.  
I move my right hand from the flesh of her back to the space between us  
and carefully take one of the buttons of her blouse in my fingers, starting  
to undo it. She pushes me back a little, slightly startled, and looks into my  
eyes. KD. I want to scream her name. I open my mouth to whisper to her, we  
don't have to do this, I don't want to pressure her, but she silences me  
before I can speak, her tongue gently probing mine. Overjoyed, caught up,  
whichever, I kiss her back and take as much of her as I can get. Her hands  
move up over my chest to my shoulders and she begins to push my jacket off. I  
take my arms off her for only a second to let my jacket fall to the floor  
before I take her in my arms and start again on the task of the buttons of  
her shirt. She smiles as she puts one hand around my neck and the other  
starts fingering the buttons on my own shirt. I feel the hand on my neck pull  
a little as she starts to back her way down the hallway, leading me with her.  
And she pulls me away into the night, down the bedroom where we dance,  
together, in a way different than we've ever done before.

 


End file.
